November: The Month of Thanks

November seems to bring out some of the best in us. It seems we pause to be thankful more than at other times. We reflect on the early settlement and founding traditions of our great country. Sometimes we fall short in expanding our thought to other areas we have for being thankful. I’ll share a few of mine and hopefully spur your own reflections.

• Freedom to worship as I choose. No oppressive government telling me when and where and how I should worship the God I choose to serve. The founding fathers were clear in providing us the freedom of religion, not the freedom from religion. Others have the same freedom to make the same or different choices.

• Freedom to change the direction of our governance at the ballot box and not by armed force. We’ve had this right for over two hundred years and earlier this month once again witnessed our democracy in action. Other than an occasional glitch our election process runs relatively smoothly.

• The advantage of being born an American. What a privilege to be a native citizen of this great land. Our poorest are rich compared to the poor in other lands and yet our obligation is to care about and for our poor.

• The freedom to live where I choose. The only restrictions are my choice and my ability to support the choices I make. We have lived in several places and found good and bad in each one. How we have lived and been treated has been more about how we have responded rather than how others have responded to us.

• The freedom of choosing my life’s work. I am personally thankful to have had two very rewarding careers. Most of my life was spent in sales and marketing, while my latter years are blessed with the opportunity to teach and help develop others.

• The blessing of good health. We take this for granted until we look around and see the suffering of others. Age changes this and so it’s important that we take advantage of opportunities while we have this great asset.

• I’ve saved the best for last, I’m thankful for my wonderful family. My wife of 48years this month, Sharon, and three beautiful daughters, six grandchildren, and our extended family as well. I’m additionally thankful for my parents who loved and gave me everything I needed for a successful life.

So, those are just a few of mine. Now sit down and think of what you have to be thankful for. The list will be endless.

His Perfect Work

He is the King of Glory
He left His home on high
He died to pay my ransom
He secured my home by and by

Cover

In the past few months I had several requests for my book. I am low on copies and don't plan a reprint. I took the idea of a friend to post my newspaper columns and decided to post the book in a blog so anyone interested could read it. The book was written in 2001 so some time has gone by and life has changed in many ways. However, the people, places, Scripture, and quotations remain a blessing to me to this day. I hope you enjoy the stories and the principles behind them. The book is at www.chuckwskw.blogspot.com
Chuck Wright

Another Day

Dawn came, another day
What will it bring?
Where will I be?
Time for class
There I must go
Day is beginning
That’s where I start
That's where I'll be.

Life's Goal

I had my day in the sun
And how the Sun did shine
The remainder of my life will be
Helping others see that time

Back Cover: Pastor's Referral

It is a pleasure to watch people mature in their faith, their profession,
and their service-ability in the Lord’s work. Chuck Wright is one of
those men. He is capable without being showy, learned without being snobbish,
and highly successful yet never elevating himself.I have known Chuck’s family
nearly 25 years, most of the years as their pastor. It has been a joy to see
him grasp spiritual truths, apply them to himself, and teach them to others.
They have served him spiritually, professionally, and academically.

He was very successful with Prudential Insurance, moving from agent
to District Manager, yet growing and serving in various capacities at
Millington Street Baptist Church. Leaving Prudential, he moved into insurance
consulting, as well as becoming an instructor in Business for Professional
Studies at Southwestern College. He has a keen insight into Scripture, using
such to teach others. His recall of facts, dates, and applications are as though they just happened. His book will lead the reader to see the value of the spiritual lessons as applied in Chuck’s life and therefore, valuable for application to theirs. They are practical. They work. They have Scriptures for their origin.
Dr. K.B. Murray, Pastor Millington Street Baptist Church Winfield, Kansas

Final Thoughts

While I’ve been writing, friends have asked how long has it taken me to write this book. My usual response is that it has only taken a few months to write the book, but it took 57 years to live it. My students probably get tired of hearing me talk about balance, but I keep on stressing how important balance is. It is easy to go off on a tangent in a radical area on a subject. It is harder to understand a proper position that we can maintain and be counted on for. The only real answer to balance is to base our lives and our ideas on Scripture. Balancing life for me means making sure we work on each of four areas. First, we must work on our spiritual life, our relationship with God. If this area goes lacking it is impossible for successful life.
The twenty-third Psalm shows God’s continuing guidance and care in our life:
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness
for His name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies:
Thou anointest my head with oil; My cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

Next, I believe we must work on our family life. No amounts of success in other areas will make-up for failure here. In fact, our family is the human reflection of our true relationship with God. He expects us to meet the needs of our family. Many times our spirituality is by us “being at church every time the door is open.” While I believe attendance and support is important, our family is first priority. Historically, God put the family together many years before He established the church. The third area is our work life. It is important, but in our things-oriented society, this area is over-emphasized. We can be the most successful professionals in the world, and if our family life or spiritual life goes lacking, we are a failure. The final area is our community life. For me this area includes friends and any time we give to make the world a better place. My largest commitment here has been my school board activity. God will give us wisdom in balancing these four areas. We need His wisdom to prioritize activities. I am reminded of one of Bill Gothard’s statements, “The good things are the enemies of the best things because of lack of time.” We must choose the best activities at a particular time from many good things.

As I close the book I hope it has given you a small sense of what God has done in my life. The great thing is He is not limited in His ability to grant blessings. The only limitation is that He can only build those that are His. In order to be His you must accept His Son as Savior. "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 6:23

"Most of the critical things in life, which become the starting points of human destiny are little things."
R. Smith

"Go to the ant thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler, provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest."
Proverbs 6:6-8

CH 31 Finishing

One of the things we’re told often is to always finish what we start. Yet every church or organization has numerous people who start something only to quit short of accomplishing a task. Galatians 5:7 addresses this issue saying,

"Ye did run well;Who did hinder you that ye should not obey the truth?"

I’m sure each of us can find an excuse or blame someone else when we quit short of the mark. In reality, we are individually responsible for doing what we say we will. Solomon, the wisest man in his world, said it this way:

"When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he has no pleasure in fools: pay that which" thou hast vowed. Better it is that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay." Ecclesiastes 5:4,5

God desires for us to do what we say we will do. I believe He includes finishing what we start. In 1979 I returned to college to finish something I had started, my college degree. I really didn’t need to finish to do my job; I needed to complete a task. Shortly after completing my degree, a Southwestern business professor had to return home due to his father’s health. I was asked to teach his second semester courses. Without my degree, the opportunity would not have been mine. My stage would have not have been available if the task had not been finished. In II Chronicles, Asa had been a good king. God had blessed him greatly. Asa had followed instructions, but lost his focus and made league with the Syrians rather than trusting in God. He lost his crown and life at an early age. It is so important that we become finishers. Paul was able to write this affirmation:

"I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:" II Timothy 4:7

What a wonderful testimony! We each can have the same testimony if we keep our eyes on Christ and allow Him to complete our course. Look at the next verse.

"Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness," II Timothy 4:8a

We serve the same God as Paul. His promises are just as true today as they were nearly two thousand years ago. We just have to claim the promise and look to Him.


"Far greater it is to have won great victories though checkered by defeat than to join that great host knowing neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt


"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to His abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you. Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time." I Peter 1:3-5

CH 30 Midnight Madness

Gene Snell is one my oldest friends. The statement is true in regard to his age and the years we have enjoyed Christian fellowship. My first personal involvement with Gene was in over 30 basketball shortly after I moved to Winfield. It became apparent early that Gene was a real sports nut, even worse than me. The high point of Gene’s sports year is the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament. During this time, Gene eats, drinks, breaths, and talks basketball. In recent years this time has become known as “March Madness.” What a fun time for the college basketball connoisseurs.

My personal basketball career also had its period of madness. I’ve come to call it “midnight madness.” During a two-year period from 1962-1964 I participated with 6-7 other guys playing basketball all night on Friday evenings at the Salvation Army gym at 136 N. Emporia in Wichita. We improved our basketball, but also built relationships that would be even more meaningful. We often had games scheduled those Friday evenings. We usually played either a group of officers from the police department or a native Indian team from the Indian Baptist Church. Each of the groups held great life lessons for me. They both also played great basketball and challenged our group to improve in order to compete.

Having been raised in a rough part of West Wichita my knowledge of police work had been limited and mostly negative. Many of my friends and acquaintances had various problems with the police. I was fortunate to avoid any personal run-ins, but still had a jaundiced view. My basketball experiences allowed me to view policemen in a different light. These men were good and decent people trying to protect us, often from ourselves. In the intervening years I have had good friends in law enforcement and have benefited greatly from midnight madness. Until we played the Indian group I had never had continuous contact with a minority group.

I would come to value this first exposure to diversity even though I didn’t know the terminology at the time. These men were just like us. They laughed, had fun, got mad, and loved the game. What a great truth that people are people! Some time and for some reason midnight madness came to it’s own natural end. When I run across one of my teammates or one of our opponents we can laugh and talk of those times. Time has changed us physically, but as we think of those days we become young men again and share those special moments frozen forever in our memories. Unintionally, what really happened has probably been erased by the way we would have liked to be.

CH 29 My Stage

Through the years I’ve been invited to participate in various skits and plays. I really appreciate and respect those with a dramatic flair. I was not blessed with the ability or desire to perform in this way. I am envious of those with musical talents, either vocal or instrumental. I realize practice as the key to performance, but in vocal music there must be a voice. I have enhanced many occasions with my silence.

My stage has been that of teacher, or in current terminology, facilitator. After years of classroom experience, I have come to a conclusion that everything I needed to know about teaching I learned in Sunday School. Or maybe better put, I learned by trial and error with my Sunday School students. When I first taught Sunday School in my mid-twenties I had no idea it would become foundational for all the training efforts of my career, both in insurance and later as a college instructor. Basic principles of good instruction are universal and need only be modified to fit the age, and needs of the learner.

As I have succeeded and failed as a leader in instruction, I have formulated some ideas for success with students. In the next few paragraphs I will share what has worked for me. As you try a hand at teaching, adjust my ideas so that they will best work for you. First, I believe it is important to teach something you know and/or believe in. Our Academic Dean recently shared attributes of instructors from student evaluation comments. One of the comments from a student concerning me was the word “genuine.” I don’t know how I conveyed this attribute, but I suspect my belief in the topic had become evident, at least to that student. I attempt to be transparent to my students. I do this by sharing failures as well as successes. The student needs to know that failure is a natural part of the growth process.

In parenting, I left the impression with my daughters that I was successful in everything. When they had failures they felt inadequate; they were actually normal. My failures were and are important in molding me to what God wants me to be. The same is true for my daughters and my students. Participation is a key with any group I’m working with. I’ve often said that if I’m at the top of my game I can hold an audience spellbound for about twelve minutes. I’m not sure my time capacity is even that long. People learn better when they are involved and engaged in the process. The mind wanders during lecture, but can be focused in activity.

In the early 1980’s I first taught college classes. It became evident to me that variation of instructional media was paramount to student learning. In a time when classes were mainly lecture I tried to differentiate my product. I used lecture, but I also used cases studies, group discussion, oral reports, and videos. These methodologies became even more important in extended-time classes. I consider my “stage” to be a work in progress. The quality movement’s concepts of continuous improvement and best practices drive me to look for news ideas to continue increasing variation in teaching. I am working with a laptop and new presentation (for me) technology. At least the effort yields a bit of humor as I pursue a “brave new world” for me. When I think of it, this is another chance to “think out of the box.” God has chosen to make me a teacher so that I might be a better learner. I thank and praise Him for allowing me the opportunity. I know that I learn more than I can ever teach. I want to thank all my students for the lessons they have taught me.

"When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, count a hundred." Thomas Jefferson

"He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city." Proverbs 16:32

CH 26 You Can't Go Home Again

The title of Thomas Wolf’s book is so true. When I returned to Prudential in July 1985 I thought I was returning home. What I didn’t know was that the company and many of the people I remembered were no longer there, or they had changed. Even with those sobering truths I was to embark on the best seven years of my business career. Each turn of the road found adventures and opportunities beyond my greatest dreams.

About five years into my sabbatical I realized I didn’t want to spend the rest of my career sitting in an agency. I preferred the life insurance business. I talked with Walt Johnson, one of Prudential’s Sales Managers at the time. It didn’t work out for my return, but Walt and I developed a lasting friendship. Two years went by rather slowly as the agency struggled. I met Walt at a coffee shop and he told me Ron Cushman, the Winfield agent had been promoted to Sales Manager in Pittsburg, Kansas. Walt’s plan was to split the town into two agencies and he wanted me to apply for one of them. This time things worked and I was again with Prudential. During my first six months I made 75 sales and was promoted to Sales Manager.

The first year of supervising the Winfield staff was tough, but in 1987 we put together a great year. We had nearly 100% sales increase and I could begin to see my goal of becoming a district manager. The timing on every event seemed to be perfect. While things went well at work they were also going well at church and as a school board member. Looking back, this was the beginning of God impressing me about the importance of balance in each area of life. Family issues had also balanced at this time. Winter of 1989 would see me realize my dream of being Manager of the Wichita office. My dream was to finish my career as manager, but that was not to be.

In the early 1990’s downsizing hit Prudential and I returned to Winfield as a Sales Manager and later as an agent. As a result of all the events I developed my own continuing education seminar business and then expanded it to a consulting business. I have been able to use the experiences of my final ten years with Prudential in my business and in the college classes I teach for Southwestern College. I am grateful to God that He allowed my dream to be fulfilled and then provided for us when it was over.

CH 25 Sabbatical

."

In the fall of 1978 I decided to leave Prudential and work in an independent agency with the idea of eventually becoming a partner. When we moved to Winfield in 1976, I met a real estate agent named Russ Larsen.. Russ was an Independent Baptist and had been a Prudential agent earlier in his career. Russ was a very personable individual and we became friends immediately. In the next two years, Russ and I became good friends. Even though I had not bought a house from him, he maintained contact with me. While Russ and I were visiting, I met one of his partners, Dave Pearce. Dave was also a Baptist and also a former Prudential agent. Dave and I had common interests in sports and had daughters about the same age.

During those first two years in Winfield I became unhappy in my job. The family and church activities were going well, but I felt the need to change jobs. Russ and Dave both wanted me to go into their business and so we made a decision to do so. Shortly after I joined Higginbottom Agency, one of the real estate partners retired and one of the salesmen, Jack Holt, took the opening. About another year went by when another partner left and I was asked to become a partner and accepted. My days in the agency were a wonderful learning experience. I was allowed to be the managing partner and also finished my college degree. Lifelong friendships were built with my three partners.

During the early 1980’s, the real estate held up the business and gave us profits. In 1982 the real estate business was tight, and commissions fell off $100,000.00 in one year and never recovered. Russ decided he would sell his interest to help the business weather the storm. After another poor year in all aspects of the business, Jack sold his interest and only Dave and I remained. We had sold the real estate business to Jack when he left and so now our business was insurance only. In addition we were paying off several former partners. I made the decision to return to the life insurance business and sold my interest to Dave. Only he remained.

I felt good that the four of us maintained our friendship when the business association was over. All the credit goes to the Lord. Until his death from cancer Jack and I remained good friends. Dave is now in Des Moines, Iowa, but our friendship also remains. Russ and I often meet for coffee. He still challenges me in spiritual areas. When the sabbatical (seven years), was over, I returned to Prudential. I have never forgotten my time in the agency. I still use stories from those days in my seminars and college classes. Each area of life experience is a building block to the person we become. This time was important for my business development.

Late in time in the agency I realized a partnership wasn’t a proper place for a Christian to be. Proverbs 6:1-5 says,

"My son, if thou be surety for thy friend, if thou has stricken thy hand with a stranger, Thou art snared with the words of thy mouth.... Go humble thyself...Deliver thyself..."

Each of my partners were good men, but sometimes things could happen for which others could be responsible. The only partnership I want is with Sharon. In addition, the employees in a business can be confused by divided loyalties to the partners of a firm. Often allegiance is built with one owner at the risk of a strained relationship with the others.

"No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one and despise the other..." Matthew 6:24

When I think of that time, I am thankful for the friends I made. I am also glad that we were able to part friends and reasonably financially healthy.

"We need not power or splendor; wide hall or lordly dome; the good, the true, the tender, these form the wealth of home." Sarah J. Hale

"She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised Proverbs 31:27-30

CH 24 Seasons

"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven." Ecclesiastes 3:1
I could have titled this section patience, or waiting upon the Lord. I chose seasons because of my own appreciation of the seasons of the year in my home state of Kansas. Life is so much like the seasons. Each season has its benefit and its drawback, so does each season of life. It is important for us to share the wisdom God gives us so that others can make more effective use of the seasons of life.

The spring of life has its promise. The innocence of what we want to accomplish without the cynicism that comes when we are rebuffed. Spring brings the greening of grass and the beauty of flowers. The beauty of life’s spring is in the growth we can achieve with the Lord’s guidance.

Summer brings the warmth and the maturity of everything around us. In the summer of our life we peak as a productive person. Our energy is there to do great things in each area of life. In the summer of our life we seem invincible to ourselves. If we aren’t careful we will be so self-sufficient we may leave the Lord out of our life. Later, we will understand how much we need Him.

Fall brings its wonderful colors and the promise that winter is just a step away. In the fall of our life we understand our mortality. The physical part of our life begins to show weakening. We understand our dependence and start to appreciate what we have had and what we still can accomplish. Sometimes in the fall of our life we begin to feel inadequate. We might allow ourselves to be “put on the shelf” as my pastor K.B. Murray puts it. In reality, because of the experiences we have been allowed, we have a chance for great service at this point in life. The Salvation Army has a motto, “Saved to serve.” If we keep this in mind, God has great plans for us in the fall of our life.

Winter brings cold, snow and often limits our mobility for periods of time. The winter of our life sometimes forces us to serve in a different way. Some are even fortunate enough to notice little change in opportunity to serve. For those limited physically supporting programs and being a prayer warrior gives those experiencing other seasons a real boost. God never totally removes us from the opportunity for services. We often come to a place where we don’t allow Him to lead us into new paths of service. The challenge is to daily be sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s direction in our life. God has created each of the seasons of our life; with them He also has a purpose.

CH 23 The Moms

"Honor thy father and thy mother." Exodus 20:

With the passing of our fathers Sharon and I felt responsibility for our mothers. Our friends think it strange that we go to Wichita almost every Saturday to see our mothers. We enjoy the time with them and want to take advantage of the time we have. Sharon’s mom came to Wichita and started working immediately. She took care of a boy and girl, learned to do taxes for H&R Block, and worked for a radio station. She sold their camper to pay bills. Each year when she gets crop payments she shares with each of her girls. After my dad died we were worried about my mother. Dad had set aside some money and the house was fully paid for. Beyond those plans Mom only had Social Security, and actually has been able to save money.

Both Sharon and I had good relationships with both sets of parents, separately. Our parents never had much contact with each other during our married life. The events of the next few years would unfold so that our mothers would begin to have contact and develop a friendship. Sharon and I lived in Winfield, 45 miles from both of our mothers. With the special events in the lives of our grandchildren we invited family members to share them. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and birthdays began to be family events for our extended family.

At first our mothers came separately to the celebrations. Since my mother doesn’t drive a car one of my sisters would bring her to our house. Soon the events in my sisters’ lives called for their attention. Sharon’s Mom offered mom a ride to our house for a party. Mom was hesitant, but wanted to be involved and so she took the ride. During the past few years it hasn’t been unusual for “the Moms” to come to our house for a meal on Saturday or Sunday. It’s easier when some special occasion warrants the get together. At other times when Adam our youngest grandson is here we can usually get the Moms to Winfield.

What a wonderful time it is to have four generations of our family together. The younger family members benefit from learning about the older members of the family. Sharon and I have been enriched by the relationship of our mothers. God has truly blessed us in allowing us the chance to honor our mothers. Our mothers have gained a better understanding of us by knowing each other. Hopefully, our children and grandchildren will see the value and develop this relationship with their mothers and fathers.

CH 22 C.L.'s Workshop

He was a strapping 6’1”, 210 lbs. when I met him. Sharon laughed that he had a short torso and long legs, while I had a long torso and short legs. Put together we could have been very tall or really short. When I went to his house to pickup his daughter, he would see me for the first time in Bermuda shorts and a t-shirt, no socks and worn tennis shoes. I’m sure it wasn’t a good first impression. Here was this 21-year wanting to date his beautiful 17-year daughter.

The son of Eastern Colorado farmers, he would make his career as a jig builder for Boeing Aircraft. He was a hard-working employee rewarded with additional income for submitting successful suggestions. Tours of duty in San Diego, El Paso, and Huntsville (Alabama) ended with a layoff after nearly twenty years. Given the opportunity, he returned to Colorado with his wife and their youngest daughter. On the back of a lot where his parents lived he started C.L.’s Workshop. For over ten years he would make a living repairing various appliances. When Boeing recalled him he decided against returning. He had found the life he wanted, closest to where he had been raised. In addition to the repair business, he worked with leather, wood, and metals. He crafted knives, pistols, rifles, and various novelty items. Years of visits from children, grandchildren, and other family members followed. Summers were spent in the Colorado heat, with lessons of honesty and direct dealings with people on exhibit every day.

Failing health caused the closing of C.L.’s Workshop in 1980. Now a family of two the Brinkleys moved into a trailer house on 200 acres of the family land about twenty miles away at Pritchett, Colorado. Grandchildren were hosted and entertained with cattle, horses, goats, and chickens. More than a few nights were spent in the Eastern Colorado desert. A man of wisdom and humor, C.L. Brinkley, my wife’s father, wasn’t one to interfere in his children’s family disagreements. More than once he would go into the workshop, or into the yard, so a disagreement could be finished.

Once I was irritated about Sharon not returning my seat to the proper position in the car. Finally, after several exchanges he said, “Chuck, is it really that important?” It really wasn’t. The trip became more enjoyable after the end of the discussion about a seat position that had already been resolved. Each of our daughters had a special relationship with their long distance grandpa. Sharla, our oldest, with long blond hair, was his Tweety Bird. She was the first grandchild. She still buys items with Tweety Bird on them. Melanie, our middle daughter would sit on his lap on the recliner for hours. He would play like he was going to “pinch her head off,” while she made choking faces. He would repeat this game with our youngest daughter, Heather. All three of the girls looked for men like their grandpas. They didn’t realize there weren’t more like either of them.

The last few years were filled with doctors and hospitals. The visits would change location and take place in the daughter’s homes in Kansas. Winters for the Brinkleys would take place in Yuma, Arizona. When the fateful phone call came at church on December 14, 1986, a wonderful group of activities, now memories had come to an end.

"The voice of parents is the voice of God, for to their children they are heaven’s lieutenants." William Shakespeare

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." III John 4

CH 21 Enjoy the Moment

Grandma took me to church as far back I can remember. The little Salvation Army hall at Harry and Martinson was my first exposure to spiritual values. We have a couple of pictures of the packed hall from when I was about five. Those early lessons would stay with me and give the foundation for many lessons. When I was eleven the Salvation Army moved the little corps. The new address was 2151 W. Dora, less than two blocks from our house. The new building included a small gymnasium and became the focal point for neighborhood activities. The playground behind our house had swings, slides, merry-go-rounds, and also a baseball field.

That time is one of several special times in life. During that time, I met and interacted with many folks. The time went so fast. The bus rides to the camp to swim, our first baseball team, and many years of basketball on those 8 ½ foot goals all are memories of a moment I enjoyed. In the early 1970’s, I taught the junior high boys class at Grace Baptist Church. I then took over the high school class when their teacher went away to study and become a missionary. When the youth director also went to Bible school, I took over the young people until we moved to Overland Park.

Upon our return from Overland Park in 1975, I was given the assignment to teach the college class. This became one of those moments to enjoy. These young folks were a lasting blessing to Sharon and I. We had class; played ball together, had parties, and shed tears and shared joys. This time only comes a few times in life. We didn’t know or appreciate how significant this moment would be. We worked in this class for 22 months. There were 12 members on the roll. The average attendance of the group was 11.8. We grew together. When we moved to Winfield in late 1976 the class had a party at our house. The picture is still a joy. When one of the members visited with Sharon in early 2001, that night was a special point of the conversation.

We have kept track of the group through the years. The current pastor of Grace Baptist was from the class. Another couple are youth pastors, a third couple are involved in a music ministry, and one of the girls is a teacher. I’m glad we were allowed of God to “enjoy the moment.” When I came home from the Institute in Basic Youth Conflicts in 1982, I was impressed to work with the men in our church. We met on Saturdays for the next eighteen months and grew spiritually. We had from 12 to 30 men for the sessions and a total of over 70 different men participated. We knew as we interacted with each other we were having a special time. Some of the men who were most active are now with the Lord. On March 5, 2001 we started another men’s meeting. I know those men are looking down on us with a smile on their face.

God has been so good to give me those special times. I believe you have just a few times like these in a lifetime. I look forward to the next opportunity to “enjoy the moment.” In maturity, I pray I will better appreciate the chance to serve Him and meet the needs of those He allows me to serve.

"Humility is the Christian’s greatest honor; and the higher men climb, the further they are from heaven." Jane Porter

"But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but gives grace to the humble." James 4:6

CH 20 Twelve Words

I was wrong
I am sorry
Please forgive me
I love you

These twelve words are of paramount importance in any interpersonal relationship and absolute requirements for a successful marriage. The words are not easy ones to say and even more difficult to say and mean. Many times using “you were right” is easier to say than “I was wrong.” Often our ego won’t let us admit our error. We have all known those who just can’t admit they are wrong. They try to shift blame or make excuses instead of just using those three simple little words.

"Confess your faults one to another, and pray for one another, that ye may be healed. The effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." James 5:16

In this confession we begin a true healing process with our mates. We cannot resolve the issues without this beginning of healing. When we come before another person in the spirit of humility, it is the beginning of mending the relationship. Once the admission of fault is made then clearing the air and saying “ I am sorry” is the next, natural step. Use these words carefully, especially since the prior admission has already broken the ice. The danger here is to use these words so often we trivialize them. When we continue saying we’re sorry for the same offense the other person realizes our lack of sincerity.

"For I will declare mine iniquity; I will be sorry for my sin." Psalm 38:18

When we wrong another we have truly sinned. It is easy to try to call it something else. We can say it is a mistake, or try to pass blame to someone or something else. We can take a “devil made me do it” attitude. In reality we can move no further until we are truly sorry and can convey our sorrow to the person wronged. The progression continues as we ask, “Please forgive me.” If we stop short of this step, we do not clear the situation with the other person. They are required to forgive us. If they refuse an earnest request they have blocked their own possibility of being forgiven by our Heavenly Father.

"And when ye stand praying, forgive, If ye have ought against any: that your Heavenly Father also which is in Heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in Heaven forgive your trespasses." Mark 11:25,26

The first nine words are important. These final three are the spice that makes life worth living. It is so important to know that we are loved. Years ago I determined never to let my life partner go a day without telling her I love her. Sometimes the harder task is to consistently SHOW her I love her.

"Charity (love) suffereth long and is kind charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up. Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in truth. Beareth all things, believeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away." I Corinthians 13:4-8

In the human experience these twelve words, used sincerely re-energize strained relationships. They allow us to humble ourselves before those we love the most. In these days of “I” and “me” they give us opportunity to move even closer together.

"Whatever comes, this too shall pass away." Ella Wheeler Wilcox

"Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, it appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away." James 4:14

CH 19 A Code to Live By

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One of the first things I remember Paul Hutsey saying in 1968 was to do things right. If I stood back and looked at things objectively I would know what the right action would be. Paul and my grandmother never met, but they would have agreed upon at least one idea. Always treat people the way you would want to be treated in the same circumstances. In 1969, Paul convinced several members of our agency to join the National Association of Life Underwriters. The organization would have a great positive influence upon my professional career. Through membership meetings and educational meetings I was able to get a firm picture of what ethical practices should be like in insurance or any type of sales efforts.

I don’t remember what the early code of ethics stated or even if there was an early version, but the version adopted in 1986 has become a mantra for my career. When I started doing insurance continuing education the association sponsored me and I have used the code as a model for my participants ever since. One of the most striking parts of the code is in large, bold letters. I BELIEVE IT TO BE MY RESPONSIBILITY, what a great statement! If we all took responsibility for our actions we would have fewer problems to resolve. If we daily turned them all over to the Lord, He would direct us as He promised.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and He shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5,6

Beyond the responsibility statement are ten specific areas mentioned by the code. They apply directly to the life insurance/financial services arena, but are valid for other professions also. I want to illustrate how each of the statements has become meaningful in my life. “To hold my profession in high esteem and to strive to enhance it’s image.” I think each person needs to proud of what God has given him or her to do as a vocation. Early in my career Paul Hutsey felt I didn’t really feel good about our business. He gave me some time to look for other work. During my search I realized I wanted to continue my career. At about the same time I saw the headline on a magazine. It read, “The Ten Least- Trusted Professions in the United States!” I couldn’t resist the article. According to the article the least trusted occupation was that of used car salesman, next was politician, and third was life insurance salespeople. I was disappointed but not surprised.

Over the next several years I worked in the association along with others to improve our professional image. There were signs we had made some inroads. Celebrated national financial columnists gave us better press. Then the period from 1983-88 came. The issue of replacement cast a dark shadow over the insurance business. Many policies that were replaced were properly handled. Others were not advised well and it seems the reason was to benefit the replacing agent. By the year 1991, I was district manager for Prudential in the Wichita office. I was fascinated as I noticed the title of an article in one of my magazines. Again, “The Ten Least Trusted Professions in the United States.” Used car salespeople again topped the list. No commentary on my part, just the facts. Once again politicians were second, but this time lawyers had slipped into third. Unfortunately life sales people weighed in at #4. I always try to look for a positive. The move from third to fourth is a 33% improvement and that ain’t bad.

“To fulfill the needs of my client to the best of my ability.” How can I know the needs of my clients? Someone has said, “People do things for their reasons, not ours.” If that is true then we get to know their reasons by getting to know them. I believe the only way of fulfilling the needs of any other person is by listening so we can understand them. When we meet needs the other person receives value. If they purchase our product they will tend to keep the purchase if they understand the why. When we meet the needs of our family we build the bridge to greater future relationships. Meeting needs is a part of our responsibility in each aspect of our life.

“To maintain my clients confidences.” One of the better sales I was involved in was an estate-planning sale to a farmer east of South Haven, Kansas. The farmer was so pleased with our efforts he asked us to talk to his son about personal financial needs. We scheduled the appointment at a time I wasn’t able to accompany my young agent when he talked to the farmer’s son. Not knowing that he shouldn’t share the details of the father’s estate plan the young agent revealed information that ultimately caused the farmer to withdraw his estate plan and our solution. It was an expensive and bitter pill to have to swallow, but an important lesson revealed. Only those that need to know should know. They trust us as advisor and friend; we must honor their trust.

“To render exemplary service to my clients and their beneficiaries.” I ask the question in my seminars, “ What is good service.” Probably one of the better answers is that good service is the best service we are able to give. Another good answer is that outstanding service is meeting each of the requests they have with a timely and complete response. While on a long drive home one evening my mind wandered to thinking about the really unreasonable service requests I felt I had received over the years. I could think about only three that were highly unusual or maybe unreasonable. Finally, I thought only three in thirty years, or one every ten years. I can handle that. My wife says there were probably more. She says I have the most positive selective memory she’s ever seen. It works for me about 95% of the time. There are a whole lot more good people to work with than those that test our patience from time to time.

“Adhering to professional standards of conduct” was so engrained into me by my early trainers and role models that I’ve been without excuse. When you add to that Christ’s teaching of how to deal with other it almost becomes a no-brainer. We still must be careful never to take the easy way out and do less than a particular situation might require.

“To present accurately and honestly all facts essential to my client’s decision.” It is sometimes possible to tell all true facts, but not be totally honest. When we leave out important facts we allow people to come to a false conclusion. If we give all the positive aspects of a solution without the downside, we show lack of respect for our client, our product, and ourselves. Sometimes we believe so strongly in what we do we justify not being totally open in our dealings. We develop a short-term mentality, rather than looking at the big picture. In the big picture those things done right will grow to give us stability. Short-term thinking often forces us to spend time correcting what we could have done right in the first place.

“To perfect my skills and increase my knowledge through continuing education.” Paul Hutsey forced the issue of continuing education with me in 1969, twenty years before the state of Kansas developed continuing education laws. I am forever grateful that he cared enough to take the harder path. He could have left me to my own inventions. My career would have taken a far different path. No matter what area of life we talk about continued education and continuous improvement are vital. Our marriages will wilt away without both parties continuing to work for improvement. A wise man told me more than once, “If you don’t work to improve, you’ll go backwards, because we never stay stationary.” Continuing education is the difference in losing the edge or maintaining a value-added for all those depending upon us.

We’ve really talked a lot about the eighth statement, “conducting my business in a way that raises our professional standards.” The attitude that it is “my responsibility” goes a long way as does meeting needs and giving good service. These indicators are the proofs of the proper conduct of our business. “To keep informed with respect to the applicable laws and regulations and to observe them in the practice of my profession.” Ignorance of the law is no excuse. I can remember hearing those words long ago. The courts have judged them to be true over the years. Our being licensed puts us at a higher duty than many others. We must stay current. Paul Hutsey used to tell me that I would always have to keep great knowledge about the law, but it was not for me to practice the law. In society in general we have a requirement to operate within the rules. Ignorance of the law is truly no excuse.

“To cooperate with others whose services are constructively related to meeting the needs of my client.” Cooperation, what a great word. How much could our society accomplish with a spirit of cooperation? In the early nineties a group of my agents and I embarked upon a series of estate planning seminars. We had a good deal of success but had one major hurdle we had to overcome. We made one sale and the client’s attorney told him he didn’t need the solution we had suggested. I asked the client if the attorney would pay the estate taxes upon his death. I won the point, but lost the sale. The client had the greater loss, because he and his family had the problem. The attorney and I were merely part of a “fractured” team that was failing to be problem-solvers. Before we did another seminar we contacted local attorneys and shared with them the type of work we were attempting. We enlisted their help in the process. In a later sale the attorney became a key factor in our client deciding to take a recommendation. When professionals work together in a spirit of cooperation great things can and are accomplished. I truly believe the code we have been writing about is a “code to work by.” I feel this way because most of the principles on dealing with people have a basis in scripture. In fact when I finish my presentation during my ethics program I am reminded of a great verse in Proverbs 22:1. It reads as follows: "A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favor rather than silver or gold."

"Give me love and work- these two only." William Morris

"Not slothful in business Romans 12:11a

CH 18 Habit

I am your constant companion.
I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden.
I will push you onward or drag you down to failure.
I am completely at your command.
Half the things you do you might just as well turn over to me,
and I will be able to do them quickly and correctly.
am easily managed-you must merely be firm with me.
Show me exactly how you want something done,
and after a few lessons I will do it automatically.
I am the servant of all great people;
and alas, of all failures, as well.
Those who are great, I have made great.
Those who are failures, I have made failures.
I am not a machine,
though, I work with all the precision of a machine
plus the intelligence of a human being.
You may run me for a profit or turn me for ruin-
it makes no difference to me.
Take me, train me, be firm with me,
and I will place the world at your feet.
Be easy with me and I will destroy you.
Who am I?
I am habit. Anonymous

Early in my Prudential career I was introduced to two pamphlets that would make a lasting impression on me. During my first week Paul Hutsey gave me a copy of “The Common Denominator of Success” and “The Richest Man In Babylon.” Alfred E.N. Gray, a former Secretary of Prudential, wrote “The Common Denominator of Success,” In his pamphlet, Mr. Gray stated, “Successful people form the habit of doing the things that failures won’t do.” The context was, of course in the sales or business vein. In order to maintain success calls and interviews must continuously overcome the call reluctance that plagues most people.

As a Christian my thought goes to those habits necessary for successful and victorious living. First, I believe we must be in God’s Word consistently. In Psalm 119:11 we read,

"Thy word have I hidden in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee."

We can never know His direction without communication. The communication most reliable comes when we gain direct insight from Him through the great examples He has given us. His instruction helps us overcome the tendency we all have to rely on feelings. Prayer is the next habit we must cultivate. I Thessalonians 5:17 states a uniquely brief and powerful concept:

"Pray without ceasing." Something we’re told to do without ceasing is definitely only accomplished by habit.

We must focus to have an attitude of prayer at all times. In the very next verse we read:

"In everything give thanks."

Someone has said we must have an attitude of gratitude. When we truly understand how little control we have in life events we can be thankful for what God gives us. He wants the best for each of us. The events of our lives mold us toward His purpose. Several times in the New Testament we read how Christ loved the church. He paid the ultimate price that we might have eternal life with Him. If He loves His church, we should also. If we love the church we prove our love by faithful attendance and support. Hebrews 10:25 states it well,

"Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching."

As time goes by it becomes more important for us to come together and exhort (encourage and support) one another. We all have a need to reach out and be reached out to. We have this opportunity only in the fellowship of believers. Christ’s great commission contains the last habit I am going to deal with. Matthew states it his way, "Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:

Teaching them to observe whatsoever I have commanded you: and lo I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world." Matthew 28:19,20"

He that lays down precepts for the government of our lives and moderating our passions, obliges human nature not only in the present, but in all succeeding generations." Seneca

"Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they must give an account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you." Hebrews 13:17

Tears of Joy and Sorrow

A tear ran down my face
I really don’t know why
They’re really in a better place
And I cannot but cry
We had a lot of great times
The years they really fly
They're really in a better place
We’ll join them by and by

Dedicated to Gene Snell 9/20/1931-1/18/2013 and Debbie Williams 4/12/1952-1/23/2012

Writing a Poem!!

At 5:15 on January 23, 2013 I woke up and had a thought that forged it's way in to rough draft of a poem.
FIRST DRAFT: We rise to start each day anew
We hurry and make our plans
We often run to and fro
But fortunately its all in God’s hands

I wasn't totally satisfied with the word flow so I modified it slightly to

SECOND DRAFT: Each day we rise to start anew
Hurrying to make our plans
Running often to and fro
Fortunately, life’s all in God’s hands

I shared it with my wife Sharon, again not totally satisfied and what resulted was

THIRD DRAFT: Each day we rise to start anew
Hurrying to make our plans
Running often to and fro
But fortunately it’s all in God’s hands

At this point I opened the poem to Facebook friends and received several good suggestions. While visiting with my Mother at her apartment the FINAL VERSION came to me. it is

Each day we rise to start anew
Hurrying to make our plans
Running often to and fro
Thankful it’s in God’s hands

CH 17 Better Late Than Never

All the time I was growing up we never took a family vacation. Just having the means needed to raise three children was a challenge in those days. We had holiday picnics and get togethers, but not vacation trips. When I was 8 my maternal granddad and my Uncle Art took Grandma and I to Bogalusa, Louisiana to see my Uncle Ray’s family. At nine I took the train, the Super Chief, to Los Angeles to visit my aunts and uncle. A few years later Dad, Mom and I went with Dad’s brother Ben to Mountainburg, Arkansas to see Dad’s Mom. These were the extent of the trips I took with family during my youth.

Our family followed pretty much the same course. Except for frequent trips to Springfield, Colorado to see Sharon’s family we did little together. Each summer the girls spent two to three weeks at the Brinkley home or farm. In 1977 I qualified for a Prudential meeting in San Diego. I decided it would be a good time for the girls to meet some of the California branch of our family. We stayed a couple evenings with my Uncle Hank and Aunt Florence. Also in the plan was to go to Disneyland. While at Uncle Hank’s we had a great bonding event between my uncle and my middle daughter Melanie, then seven. Sharon and I were sleeping on their sleeper sofa and were awakened by an argument in the kitchen. Melanie was eating a breakfast cereal named Magic Cow, but my uncle said it was Holy Cow. So we woke up to “Holy Cow!” “No, Magic Cow!” “No, Holy Cow.” The spat continued and became one of our treasured stories for years.

All our California adventure was great, but when we returned home we settled back to old ways and eight years went by before another family trip. In 1985 the National School Board Association was having a summer workshop on curriculum planning in Montreal. The topic of the meeting and the opportunity to see historic sights prompted our second family vacation. We left the morning of July 4 headed for Overland Park. We would celebrate our nation’s Independence with Ken and Loyce Obermeyer before proceeding through a major storm for our destination of St. Louis. The storm covered over 400 miles with wind, hail, and rain but we were delivered safely to our night’s lodging. Sharon had visited Kentucky and Churchill Downs as a teenager. She really looked forward to this visit and we toured Louisville before going to the racetrack. One noticeable change for her was that the white fences she had remembered had been painted black. Some childhood memories were changed through the eyes of an adult woman.

We passed through the coal-mining country in the hills of West Virginia on to the area that saw the birth of our nation. In Virginia we would tour Monticello, Ash Lawn, and Mount Vernon. What a wonderful picture of three of the men responsible for the freedoms we take for granted. Our trip continued as we proceeded to the nation’s capital. I had visited in 1977, but for the other family members this was a first. We had for a tour guide Mike Gregory, the son of our Winfield friends Rodger and Sue Gregory. Mike was a Midshipman at Annapolis and showed us the city. Philadelphia was to be our next stop. We soon found ourselves lost and a friendly man pointed us to the Holiday Inn where we would stay. We certainly had plenty to take in as we visited Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell, and took a carriage ride through the historical center. That July day was rainy, warm, and humid much as it must have been over 200 years earlier. No air conditioning now or then.

The beauty of New England and the charm of Boston were behind us when we finally arrived at the Hilton in Montreal. We drove through the parking area a couple of times with no luck. As time wore on I became more vocally irritable. I began to tell Sharon how to drive. Finally, she could handle no more. “Chuck, shut up!” was met with a gasp and giggles by our three daughters. They would laugh about the incident for years. Sadly, 1986 would be the last trip for all five of us. School and work would never allow more than four of us to travel together again. In 1986 we went to a School Board Chairman’s Institute at Opryland in Nashville. While on the way an argument broke out in the backseat about what music to listen to on the radio. We decided on 30-minute increments, each person listening to their music for 30 minutes before yielding to someone else and their tastes. On the way we stopped at Memphis and visited Graceland and the Hermitage, the home of Andrew Jackson. As we left the girls were in agreement to hitchhike home if they had to visit one more dead person’s house.

My time in Nashville was spent in meetings while the family women enjoyed the Opryland Amusement Park. We were having a meal at Captain D’s across from Opryland when I decided to sample from Melanie, our middle daughter’s plate. The move was against the basic rule of manners our girls had been taught. When I reached for her food Melanie greeted me with a fork to the hand. My response was less than kind. Another story that caused more than a few chuckles over the years. It was a little while before I could join in the fun. One or two of the girls traveled with us for enjoyable times, but it was never again exactly the same. The wonder of youth was passing and the responsibility of being an adult was settling upon all of us.

In government class her senior year our oldest daughter Sharla was able to share a July day of heat and humidity with her classmates. She could also talk of Washington, Jefferson, Andrew Jackson, and even Elvis Presley one day with her own students. Maybe visiting dead people’s houses wasn’t so bad after all. Today those days in the eighties when Reagan was president and we spent too many hours in the car seem special. I’m glad I can look back and see that it was better late than never to share unique times with just the five of us. In 1989 Sharon and I were headed for a meeting in Anaheim. As we crossed the Southwest we realized we didn’t have to share the radio for the first time. Again, it was just the two of us. Somehow sharing the radio didn’t seem so bad. It’s all a matter of perspective.

"A happy family is but an earlier heaven." Bowring

"Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." Ephesians 5:21

CH 15 Take Me Out ToThe Ballgame

I played baseball as a young child because my maternal grandfather encouraged me to do so. He went out in the vacant lot south of his house and taught several of us to play ball. In his late sixties at the time he could outplay any of his students. Grandpa and his brothers had been semi-pro and professional players in their youth. The investment he made when I was nine would remain as one of my loves for the remainder of my life.

As an early teen I worked selling concessions at Lawrence Stadium in Wichita. The Wichita team was the AAA affiliate for the Milwaukee Braves. I met and watched future major leaguers as Wes Covington, Joey Jay, Earl Hirsh, and Bob Hazle. The other teams also had future stars such as Harmon Killebrew, Roger Maris, and Rocky Colavito. What a wonderful summer it was!

My grandpa’s brother John lived in Kansas City in the 1950’s. The A’s were not a great team, but hosted some of the great New York Yankee teams of the era. Each summer from about 1958-1962 I spent a week with uncle John and his family. We went to see the A’s lose to the Yankees. The heroics of Mickey Mantle, Yogi Berra, and other great Yankees are still alive in my memory. Besides the memory of great baseball I can recall the smells of the time. Hot dogs, popcorn, peanuts, and beer filled the air. Soft drinks and cotton candy were everywhere. I can recall the cry of a young man, “Get your lucky number scorecards and lineups.

Finally, my freshman year at Friends University I got to play varsity baseball. Up until this point my participation had been in church league and various youth program leagues. I was a starter at several positions that 1963 season. My greatest lesson was gained from watching the more experienced players. I never saw my dream of professional baseball come true. In fact, after my freshman year my play was limited to city and church league softball. I have fond memories of my years around baseball. None can match those golden summers of youth at the ballgame with my Great-uncle John.

CH 14 Lessons from Life

Just being around for over half a century gives plenty of opportunity for lessons from life. I’ve already shared a few, but these next six seem to stand out in my mind at this point in my life. Next week it might just seem different. The following are in the order I learned them, not necessarily in order of importance.

Lesson #1 ALWAYS GET BOTH SIDES OF THE STORY!!!!! I don’t know how many times as a father, manager, school board member, or friend I had to break this rule before learning it. Hearing a story so well told and then reacting without further investigation can cause serious problems. Time spent picking up the pieces of over-reaction without full investigation can be devastating. Rebuilding the broken confidence and relationship is a difficult task and sometimes just doesn’t happen. Sergeant Joe Friday said it best: “Just the facts.” We always hear the story from the perspective of the storyteller. It may be accurate, but more often has a slant towards the interest of the person giving the information. Usually the real truth lies somewhere between the various positions.

Lesson #2 IT TAKES JUST A LITTLE MORE TO DO IT RIGHT!!! Sometimes we just don’t evaluate enough alternatives to come up with a solution that finishes the project right. My father-in-law always said not to take the cheapest or most expensive alternative. His view was one of moderation and completeness. Often the cheap route leaves an important element out. The expensive solution can contain parts that will never be used. “Haste makes waste” is another way to say the same thing. It seems like we are always somewhere between analysis paralysis and Quick Draw McGraw. Either we make a decision by not deciding or we jump in before we have nearly enough data. Short cuts often cause redo, and redo are more expensive than putting the effort into things in the first place. Patience to see the thing through to proper completion always pays huge dividends. Lesson

#3 YOU’RE NOT ALWAYS IN CONTROL!!! My wife gives me the best support in this area. She gently, and sometimes not so gently reminds me that I like to control the events of my life. I must remember to just step back and realize that I really control nothing at all in my life. When I teach I make sure everything is exactly in its place. For years I considered this a picture of my goal of being organized. I’m sure it is an element of organization, but it also illustrates my control temperament. Like so much of life this is an area that requires balance. Complete disregard can cause wasting of time. On the other hand, lightening up a little can generate a more relaxed atmosphere and allow a more free-flowing operation.

Lesson #4 THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH!!! I guess time has taught me the only free gift in life is the one Jesus provided for us on the cross. Everything else that comes along in life has attachments. I really don’t mean this in a negative way. In the big picture everything we are given comes with a responsibility. When we are given even the simplest item it will require care. In reality when we are given something it is done with the expectation of something in return. The something might be as simple as gratitude to the giver. It might also be done so that something of fairly equivalent value may be given in return.

Lesson #5 YOU LEARN MORE LISTENING THAN YOU DO TALKING!!! Early in my sales career I thought it was important to show the prospective client how much I knew about the product. I had been trained different than this, but had slipped into my own sales error. At a sales meeting I heard, “People do things for their reasons, not ours.” It occurred again to me that to know their reasons I must learn to listen, not talk. The sales process was much simpler when I used questions to learn the prospect’s goals and vision for their family financial security. The concept works outside of the sales world. It was the idea that gained the young man in my youth group many friends. Listening is how we learn about our family and friends. By doing so we can prepare to meet their needs.

Lesson #6 THE WEATHER GUESSORS ARE SELDOM RIGHT!!! My wife enjoys watching me agonize over the coming weather. She reminds me that it often changes several times before the day of concern. This is a fairly short lesson learned because it really illustrates the control issue again. I placed it here to remind you and even more to remind me, that I AM NOT IN CONTROL.

CH 13 Listen

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice,
you have not done what I asked.
When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn’t feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem,
you have failed me,
strange as that may seem.
Listen!
All I asked, was that you listen not talk or do – just hear me.
Advice is cheap: 10 cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself; I’m not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering,but not helpless.
When you so something for me that I can and need to do for myself,
you contribute to my fear and weakness.
But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel,
no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you
and can get about the business of understanding what’s behind this irrational feeling.
And when that’s clear, the answers are obvious and I don’t need advice.
Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what’s behind them.
Perhaps that’s why prayer works, sometimes,
for some people because God is mute,
and He doesn’t give advice or try to fix things.
“He just listens and let you work it out for yourself.
So, please listen and just hear me.
And, if you want to talk,
wait a minute for your turn;
and, I’ll listen to you. Anonymous

CH 12 Hospitality

...given to hospitality. Romans 12:13b
What a great encouragement are those “given to hospitality.” We all don’t have this grace in the same measure, but it can be developed. It is another way God gives us to meet the needs of others. Early in my insurance career I was amazed at the willingness and ability of Paul and Tippy Hutsey to make people comfortable around them. They truly seemed to enjoy hosting various social events. When you were at the Hutsey home it was as if you were a part of the family. In fact, when their family was there we were all one big happy family.

Paul impressed upon Sharon and I the importance of including our girls in our activities. I remember him saying, “They won’t remember how big a car you drove, or the money you make, but the things you do together.” Paul put his advice into action by having a pool at their house rather than driving an extra-fancy car. When you are around great people you gain great insights. Then you must place them into effect in your own life.

The other couple that was a great encouragement regarding hospitality is Mike and Marcella Schepis, our Pastor and wife at Grace Baptist church. The Schepis’ always had young people at their home. Not only friends of their boys, but family, and others in need as well. I am reminded of Christ’s words in Matthew 25:40,

"Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

Mike and Marcella will have great reward for all the needs met over a fifty-year ministry.

CH 11 Loving or Using????

Through the years one of the great events in the churches I’ve been involved in has been the annual Mission’s Conference. As a result of these meetings I’ve had the privilege of meeting some of the greatest servants in the world. These men and women have sacrificed greatly to carry Christ’s message to the nations throughout the world. The conference of 1983 stands out in my mind. Our guests were Randy Stirewalt from Kenya, Gary Queen from Peru, and Gary Tomberlin from Brazil. These men were great speakers and used tremendous senses of humor to convey their messages.

We were having a Men’s Meeting on Saturday morning at the time and each of the missionaries used their personal testimonies while sharing with the men. It was a great time. Thursday evening Randy Stirewalt made a statement in his message that has stayed with me to this day. He said, “In our society it is apparent that we love things and often use people. We should love people and use things.” These words were such an encouragement and challenge to me that evening. Each time I think of the words they challenge me even more. Our lives should be centered on allowing Christ to let us use things to love people. Often when I do a lesson or give a devotion I use those great words. They help to keep our focus on how important our relationships are. It is so easy to get busy making a living or with own interests and forget our responsibility to those dependent upon us.

Another wise man, identity long since forgotten once said to me, “People don’t care so much about how much you know, but they would like to know how much you care.” We show how much we care by using things to love them. We get so guarded and possessive with the things we “own.” Let’s try to figure how to take those “things” and use them to make a difference for others. In my management classes at the college I’ve interjected these thoughts. In the context of getting to know those we work with and for, we can learn their needs and use the tools available to meet those needs and thus love them. When we train, evaluate, or communicate with our co-workers we can meet their needs. Evaluation especially is a tough process. Often an evaluator has taken the easy path and not given honest feedback. We owe each person direct, open, sensitive feedback that will allow growth to happen.

The major hindrance to using things to love people is committing our time. It is hard work to spend time getting to know them. The same can be said for our family members. We want to talk. To be successful in loving people we must learn to listen. In the mid-seventies I was leading the Youth Department at Grace Baptist Church in Wichita. One of the young people came to me disheartened about a perceived problem. He didn’t feel like he had any friends. He wanted my help. My first question was, “ Are you able to take the criticism that might be necessary and use my suggestions?” He indicated he needed the help and would make every effort to use my suggestions. I took him to Proverbs 18:24a,

"A man that hath friends must show himself friendly"

I asked what are the things that could be done to “show yourself friendly”? He really had no answer. I shared his tendency to interrupt when people tried to talk to him or others. I felt the first step for him was to learn to listen. In listening, he could get to know about others. Eventually they would want to know more about him. Over a period of time he felt more accepted and developed friendships based upon common interests. Looking back I can see that he had learned to “love people” through using the “thing” of listening. I hadn’t heard Randy Stirewalt’s comments then, but they were still so true.

The principle had also worked in my business. My first staff in Overland Park was quite unique. I have shared my experience with Ken Obermeyer, but I had another important lesson to learn during the 14 months of my assignment. When my promotion was announced I got a letter from the group. Its basic message was that if I was okay with Paul Hutsey (my Wichita Manager), then I was okay with them. The letter was very encouraging to me, but because of it I made some incorrect assumptions. Our Wichita office was more successful than Overland Park so I assumed our way of doing things was the only way. I soon found that there were many ways to do tasks and that different situations called for different approaches. My other assumption was that each of the men assigned to me needed the same thing from me. In addition, I thought that they all needed equal amounts of my time. Five of the men had more years of service than I was years old.

From them and from this experience I learned that you must get to know people in order to know their needs. It was a valuable lesson and worth the time in Overland Park if nothing else positive had happened. I had learned that to “love” these people I had to know how to be a problem solver for each of them in different ways. The rest of my management career has been enhanced by this lesson. The lesson grew even more when I learned the secret and value of “using things to love people.” Hopefully, this lesson can be important for each reader and the people that cross their paths.

CH 10 Dad

I never knew my biological father. I saw a picture of him in his Marine uniform. Life has those mysteries we can never answer, so we just have to go on and trust that God IS in control and has a reason for every happening. My earliest recollection of my step-dad is that he was dark and handsome and loved Mom very much. As I got into my teenage years we fought a lot and I looked forward to the time I could be on my own.

Dad had about a 4th grade education. He made his living working for the Santa Fe Railroad’s Orient Shops in Southwest Wichita. Later, he did carpentry work when he chose not to move to Topeka when the shops closed in Wichita. He was a talented, natural artist and shared this interest with each of his children. Only my sister Ellayne’s creativity with crafts and flowers remains as evidence of his artistic influence. As I grew older I began to appreciate the greatest lesson I learned from Dad (he legally adopted me after my senior year in high school). He had the greatest capacity for unconditional love I have ever seen in human form. Each of his children, grandchildren, and even nieces and nephews thought they were his favorite. He did this without anyone feeling left out.

After I was promoted to Overland Park as a Sales Manager, Dad was sent to the Veteran’s Hospital in Kansas City to be treated for a service-related illness. One day we were talking and he said, “We were lucky. This could have happened while you kids were in school and then where would we have been? But it didn’t. We got you all three through school on about half of what you needed. Then one turns out like you, it makes you kind of proud.” For the first time I realized he made no distinction between his two natural daughters and me.

A dozen years later Dad was in the Veteran’s Hospital in Wichita. My oldest daughter went to see him. As she walked into the area where he was she heard him bragging about his son. How great she felt about Grandpa’s capacity for love. Years later we would be able to take the lesson learned and use it. My daughter would marry a man with two young daughters; Dad’s example became our pattern for living. Dad actually considered four people his children. He included my wife Sharon as his too. Dad fell for her almost as quickly as I did and they had a great relationship until his death. Many times someone said something about his three or even his two children and he became irate. He let it be known he had four children. No one could convince him otherwise.